This is what I look like. I have red hair and a butt crack and I never ever wear high heels unless it’s going to be a good party. Normally there is a cat near me and I don’t have make up on. I like ice cream and dirty jokes. I wish I wasn’t so lonely and sad all the time even if it’s good for my art. I don’t know what to do to get out of this slump feeling. I’m working so hard so I can take this epic trip in November/December but I feel drained all the time. I hope that working all these doubles and killing myself with extra cleaning jobs will be worth it when the fall arrives. I am about to buy my ticket in a week but I’m feeling nervous and doubtful. What if I don’t like Spain? What if I don’t have fun? What if I get my feelings hurt or I get scared? My Spanish is ok at best and I know nothing of Catalonian so what do I do if I have no one to talk to! WHAT IF WHAT IF LITTLE BABY REEDA. I feel like it will be ok, and the two people I plan on visiting are both very nice. I can’t wait to see C. He is funny and loud and makes me laugh till I’m crying and he loves me like family. I know for a fact I will have an excellent time with him in Madrid. My friend T in Barcelona is also someone I can’t wait to see, even more so than C. But it’s different. I miss him but I don’t. I want to hug him and buy him dinner and give him kisses on his cheek, but why? He doesn’t deserve my affection, he’s the best but he doesn’t care or pay attention. Sometimes he makes me feel like the sun and sometimes I feel like I don’t know who he is. I’m pretty sure I don’t know who he is. Fucking man of mystery, fuck. We’ll see, I’m planning and hoping for the best but I am going to have a back up plan if my heart hits the fan. Maybe it will be really nice. I don’t care for romance with him so much as I just want to feel good and safe and know that I am cared for. I want him to be glad that I came all the way to see him. I want him to be happy to see me, not all this yeah whatever shit. Oh well, we will see in a few short months. Please let it be wonderful and please let me be prepared for any obstacles, thanks in advance universe.